Carrie Snyder | Writer

Spring-shine

Thursday, Apr 9, 2009 | Kids, Music, Spring | 2 Comments

Walking to school this afternoon … thinking praise be for sunshine. We’re getting our roof done, and just learned our back porch is rotting away, like the front. Sometimes it feels like we’re just perpetually falling apart around here; yet I feel oddly bouyant. The bottom photo is of the older children’s folk music choir, after their performance earlier this week. It was moving to watch them gradually relax, lose some of the stage nerves, and sing from their hearts, even if they didn’t know every word. Though the expression on Albus’s face is kinda how he looked the entire time. When I asked him afterward what he’d been thinking, he couldn’t say. Here’s a taste of the performance (I couldn’t get it to upload here).

What I Did Last Night

Tuesday, Apr 7, 2009 | Chores | 4 Comments

What you can’t see is the cheering section in the front window (Apple-Apple even wrote encouragement on a piece of paper: “Be careful moving the leaves.”). Honestly, the whole family stood at the window, waving and grinning with such excitement, CJ shouting so loudly I could hear him through the double-paned glass–I felt heroic.

Bedtime; Being Three

Monday, Apr 6, 2009 | Kids | 1 Comment

The littlest don’t actually sleep in the same bed, but last night CJ sure wanted to climb in and give it a try. This was completely his initiative, and he snuggled in beside his big sis like he planned to stay all night.

Speaking of big sis, I’ve been reflecting on how hard it is to be three-and-a-half. Fooey is experiencing such conflicting desires: on the one hand, she clings to her mama, and expresses great neediness (“I need you!!!” even when I’m standing right beside her), but on the other hand, she wants to control everything that’s happening, which comes out in large, constant doses of bossiness; autocratic demands. Three year olds make fabulously dramatic dictators. I’m recognizing this as a familiar developmental stage. How hard it must be–to want to express one’s own mind and opinions, while simultaneously fearing the freedom and the responsibility independence points toward. It’s likely we’re all still experiencing this push-pull within ourselves, no matter our age. Hopefully to a lesser degree.

Being Human

Sunday, Apr 5, 2009 | Big Thoughts, Cooking | 0 Comments

Topics I’ve been meaning to cover …

The way our neighbours and friends are bringing us food regularly, and what an amazing mental boost that has been (not to mention being good practical help, too). I meant to photograph us enjoying each meal, but my good intentions got lost in the whirr activity–the thought seems only to occur to me to AFTER supper. Dirty dishes = not a compelling, or (sadly) original, subject.

The way I always need to learn things the hard way–why is that? The easy way would be so much … easier.

The way, immediately following a moment of self-congratulation, I do something that reminds me how ridiculously human I am. Fallible, weak, BITCHY. Pardon the swear, but no other word quite sums up my Being today. I am so growly, so irritable, so lacking in patience, I’m even getting on my own nerves. Heh. Thankfully, the weather turned sunny again today, and after hauling three children to the grocery store, I arrived home and observed to my husband that the day was gorgeous and that my children, lovely as they are, were driving me insane, and he kindly suggested that he could take them all out to the backyard to play. CJ loves being outdoors. He would live out there full-time if we’d let him. The others agreed to give the great outdoors a shot, too, and that’s where they’ve spent the last few hours. I stayed inside and cooked; which is almost a novelty, thanks to our kind friends and neighbours; and seems to have improved my humour.

Kevin’s leg continues to heal incrementally. He gets around on it amazingly well. On April 20th, he’ll go back for more xrays, and will possibly get the splint off at that point, and begin rehab–if the bone’s all healed. He is definitely much more tired at the end of the day than we are used to. But that’s one of the things I’ve gotten to learn the hard way in the past month–I can get up early! Not only that, I actually like being the first person puttering around the house, and it’s given me a few minutes of quiet and calm to start my day.

Life. Difficulty = richness = damn hard = good. (If this doesn’t seem to add up, forgive me; math was never my strongest subject).

Unlatching

Sunday, Apr 5, 2009 | Uncategorized | 0 Comments

Independence. It’s amazing how our instincts push us toward self-reliance. CJ has turned violently resistant to being spoon-fed. So, earlier this week, we gave him the keys to the cutlery. He proved remarkably adept at transporting food to mouth; and, oh, food is so squishy and mushy and throwable. It’s a winning combination (for him).

The other photo shows him climbing the back stairs, somewhere near the top. He was moving too fast for my camera, and every photo was a blur. He’s yet to master the reverse option, and prefers to stand at the top and shout till his personal escort makes a speedy appearance: (“When the heck did you get up here, you monkey??” “You were blogging, Mama. It was a breeze.”)

Except he hasn’t said “mama” yet, so that last sentence is an obvious forgery. “Dada” he chortles with enthusiasm and accuracy, but mama has yet to roll off his tongue.

He’s almost weaned himself. We’re close. This seems early (I nursed the last two far longer), but I’m taking my cues from him; and honestly, the only time he settles in for a solid nurse is at 3 o’clock in the morning, which I’m used to, but won’t miss terribly. The transition seems worth mourning or marking somehow–having spent the last eight years and eight months either nursing or pregnant, this state of gestation/lactation feels fundamental to my identity; and has been an identity in which I’ve felt so comfortable, so at home. But it feels like a graduation–I’ve earned the degree, and I’m ready to move on to the next challenge.

Whatever that may be. I’ll keep you posted. He hasn’t quite unlatched yet.

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About me

My name is Carrie Snyder. I work in an elementary school library. I’m a fiction writer, reader, editor, dreamer, arts organizer, workshop leader, forever curious. Currently pursuing a certificate in conflict management and mediation. I believe words are powerful, storytelling is healing, and art is for everyone.

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