Carrie Snyder | Writer

Being Human

Sunday, Apr 5, 2009 | Big Thoughts, Cooking | 0 Comments

Topics I’ve been meaning to cover …

The way our neighbours and friends are bringing us food regularly, and what an amazing mental boost that has been (not to mention being good practical help, too). I meant to photograph us enjoying each meal, but my good intentions got lost in the whirr activity–the thought seems only to occur to me to AFTER supper. Dirty dishes = not a compelling, or (sadly) original, subject.

The way I always need to learn things the hard way–why is that? The easy way would be so much … easier.

The way, immediately following a moment of self-congratulation, I do something that reminds me how ridiculously human I am. Fallible, weak, BITCHY. Pardon the swear, but no other word quite sums up my Being today. I am so growly, so irritable, so lacking in patience, I’m even getting on my own nerves. Heh. Thankfully, the weather turned sunny again today, and after hauling three children to the grocery store, I arrived home and observed to my husband that the day was gorgeous and that my children, lovely as they are, were driving me insane, and he kindly suggested that he could take them all out to the backyard to play. CJ loves being outdoors. He would live out there full-time if we’d let him. The others agreed to give the great outdoors a shot, too, and that’s where they’ve spent the last few hours. I stayed inside and cooked; which is almost a novelty, thanks to our kind friends and neighbours; and seems to have improved my humour.

Kevin’s leg continues to heal incrementally. He gets around on it amazingly well. On April 20th, he’ll go back for more xrays, and will possibly get the splint off at that point, and begin rehab–if the bone’s all healed. He is definitely much more tired at the end of the day than we are used to. But that’s one of the things I’ve gotten to learn the hard way in the past month–I can get up early! Not only that, I actually like being the first person puttering around the house, and it’s given me a few minutes of quiet and calm to start my day.

Life. Difficulty = richness = damn hard = good. (If this doesn’t seem to add up, forgive me; math was never my strongest subject).

Unlatching

Sunday, Apr 5, 2009 | Uncategorized | 0 Comments

Independence. It’s amazing how our instincts push us toward self-reliance. CJ has turned violently resistant to being spoon-fed. So, earlier this week, we gave him the keys to the cutlery. He proved remarkably adept at transporting food to mouth; and, oh, food is so squishy and mushy and throwable. It’s a winning combination (for him).

The other photo shows him climbing the back stairs, somewhere near the top. He was moving too fast for my camera, and every photo was a blur. He’s yet to master the reverse option, and prefers to stand at the top and shout till his personal escort makes a speedy appearance: (“When the heck did you get up here, you monkey??” “You were blogging, Mama. It was a breeze.”)

Except he hasn’t said “mama” yet, so that last sentence is an obvious forgery. “Dada” he chortles with enthusiasm and accuracy, but mama has yet to roll off his tongue.

He’s almost weaned himself. We’re close. This seems early (I nursed the last two far longer), but I’m taking my cues from him; and honestly, the only time he settles in for a solid nurse is at 3 o’clock in the morning, which I’m used to, but won’t miss terribly. The transition seems worth mourning or marking somehow–having spent the last eight years and eight months either nursing or pregnant, this state of gestation/lactation feels fundamental to my identity; and has been an identity in which I’ve felt so comfortable, so at home. But it feels like a graduation–I’ve earned the degree, and I’m ready to move on to the next challenge.

Whatever that may be. I’ll keep you posted. He hasn’t quite unlatched yet.

Children Hunting for Signs of Spring

Saturday, Apr 4, 2009 | Kids, Photos, Spring | 0 Comments

These were taken by Albus and Apple-Apple in our backyard after school one day this week, when the weather was gorgeous and balmy. We’d noticed purple and yellow flowers sprouting from several neighbours’ yards on our walk home; none were coming up in ours, but even the slimmest green stem pushing through dead leaves is cause for celebration at this time of year. We awoke to a skiff of snow on the ground this morning; these pictures remind me of what awaits.

One Year

Monday, Mar 30, 2009 | Birthdays | 2 Comments

Happy birthday, son. Are we ever glad for you.

This is the Only Moment

Saturday, Mar 28, 2009 | Bicycles, Big Thoughts, Local Food | 5 Comments

Can you guess what Albus is eating? Yes, it’s what’s marked on the freezer bag: frozen red peppers. He and Apple-Apple ate half the bag after supper last night. Local Red Pepper Popsicles.

Kevin has the flu. He’s utterly out of commission, and I’m worried about him. I’ve been trying to remember when life got so hard. It feels like we’ve been running a non-stop marathon, but where was the start line? Months ago, years ago. Last night when Fooey was having a nightmare, and it was 10pm and I’d been on my feet and working all day and just wanted to fall into bed myself, I held her and these words came into my head: “This is the only moment. This one here.” It gave me incredible peace and strength to think those words. I felt unexpectedly capable: of being present, and of giving what needed to be given, right then.

CJ and I came upon a car/pedestrian accident yesterday. We’d been playing in our front yard, enjoying the sunshine, when I noticed a disturbance at the intersection very near our house, so we walked down to see what was happening. It had just happened, though three people had already gone to the woman, and were comforting her. There was nothing I could do; someone in a car had already called 911. It shook me. Life’s randomness, unpredictability, sadness. We cannot protect ourselves from it.

But my nature is optimistic, hopeful. I believe that attitude matters, that how I react to situations matters, that I have it in me to be … calm, present, patient, whole. That’s why I wanted to hang laundry today. It seemed medicinal. Being outside is medicinal. Sunshine is. This is the only moment.

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About me

My name is Carrie Snyder. I work in an elementary school library. I’m a fiction writer, reader, editor, dreamer, arts organizer, workshop leader, forever curious. Currently pursuing a certificate in conflict management and mediation. I believe words are powerful, storytelling is healing, and art is for everyone.

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