Hello again. This summer, I was a writer working toward finishing a new manuscript (essays and poems) and revising my next novel; and now I am a full-time grad student, studying Spiritual Care and Psychotherapy.

It is weird and not-weird, I feel old and not-too-old, at times more socially inclined than I’d expected, at times a little too tired to rise to the occasion of small-talk with desk-mates (I try!). A big goal is to read in a way that allows me to absorb and retain what I’m reading, and that’s very time-consuming; I fear falling behind. But then, I need to practice balance and managing my own expectations; can I learn how to prioritize? For example, I spent about five hours this week on a brief reflection that is worth 5% and was guaranteed to receive an A+; the exercise felt valuable for me personally, but probably not 5 hours worth of value, if you see what I mean.

Proportionality. I have been prioritizing getting to the gym every morning before school. So far, still able to see friends, family. Volunteering. Where will I cut back in order to fit this intensive workload into my hours? I won’t be writing much, creatively, I mean. Journaling, yes, starting a novel, no, probably not. My evenings might be devoted to readings rather than doing a puzzle or watching a show (or going for a walk? but I want to go for walks!). I am still figuring this out.

I feel energized by the material. Open to new experiences. A little bit overwhelmed; mostly calm, prepared, attuned, attentive. I can walk to campus; I pack good food to fuel me through several night classes; I’ve made a few friends (or excellent acquaintances, perhaps more accurately). I sense the importance of building a group of professional peers in this context, as necessary and meaningful for this particular work.

On Monday, I’m going to draw “what God looks like to me”, as a reflective in-class exercise for a course on the “Spiritual Care” side of the roster. On the “Psychotherapy” side, I spent all day reading textbooks about Professional Ethics and the “Ethical Lives of Clients,” with great interest and engagement—I didn’t drift off to sleep even once! Side note: I am aiming for 7+ hours of a sleep a night, and (almost) managing that.

Sitting in the classroom, I feel a strong sense that I’m where I want to be; and wherever it leads, well, that’s a question for a future version of self, the one who’s read all these chapters and written a bunch of papers, and talked to peers, and played with balancing life and study and practice and care. Stay tuned.

xo, Carrie