Fantasies and fears

buds on lilac
buds on lilac, yesterday

This hot weather has revealed a serious gap in my wardrobe. Where did I put all my not-ratty, not-stained, not-holey, not-unflattering t-shirts? I’m good with the jeans (refreshed on my birthday). I’m good with the sandals (footwear should last for years on end). But the t-shirts have up and left town. Actually, no, they’re still hanging around the bottom of my over-stuffed shirt drawer, crumpled and neglected and forlorn.

So here’s a fantasy or two. Or three.
1. Side fantasy to precede other fantasies: An IKEA-like organizer magically appears in my closet into which I can stuff all of my smelly sports-related clothing. Because I have a lot of technical shirts, sweaters, and tanks that are not appropriate for anything but exercise. And the drawer is too full. So I can’t see what’s actually in there. This would save on time and irritation.

2. Sticking with the drawer-clearing theme: Someone goes through my drawer and forces me to give away anything that a) I haven’t worn in a year or b) I shouldn’t be wearing and someone should please inform me. Maybe I’m fantasizing about a What-Not-to-Wear scenario. Without cameras.

3. Now that the drawer has been organized and emptied: Someone, who is my exact size, drops off a bag of cast-off clothes and I dig through and find at least THREE excellent shirts, new to me. (This is how we got all of our clothes as kids — we had lots of older cousins — and it is my preferred shopping method even now.)

Okay, back to reality.
1. I could do this. I’ve been meaning to for months. Why haven’t I?
2. Ditto.
3. The realistic and therefore less fantastic version: a super-fast t-shirt shopping session at a secondhand store. I hate shopping. But this version looks likely to come true, possibly as soon as this evening when I’ll be taking Soccer Girl to goalie training. Apparently the arena is located near a top-notch secondhand store. Girding loins now.

Thus endeth the fantasy portion of this post. Is it just me, or was that pretty lame?

The fears portion shall begin now, but really it’s just one Fear, an underlying anxious hum. This morning, I woke early. The clock said 4:34. The windows were open, and a machine was beeping the back-up beep somewhere down the street. And I couldn’t for the life of me get back to sleep, though there were still forty minutes before the alarm was set to sound. Finally gave up, and got up to scour The Weather Network’s web site for clues — because there is something about this sudden onset of spring/summer that is distinctly unsettling. I want to be glad to see buds and tulips and green grass. Usually it’s downright thrilling. We’ve survived winter! And here is our reward!

But this year, we scarcely had winter. And it feels like the reward is coming far too early and too easily. And whenever things come easily, I get suspicious. This must be a trick. Fool’s gold. Fool’s spring.


AppleApple sat in my office yesterday and with a concerned face told me she had a theory: “You know how some people think the world is going to end in December, 2012? What if it just keeps getting hotter and hotter and hotter until then? And the world ends?”

Sounds like the plot of a movie in which I’d rather we not star.

I reassured her that such a trend was highly improbable. And said that we should enjoy today, because we can’t predict the future. Like a character says in The Juliet Stories: You don’t control the weather. (Of course, there’s so much we don’t control. Not just the weather. What to do but take my own advice, enjoy today, walk barefoot in the new green grass, bend down and see the flower unfurling?)

Another beautiful bizarre mid-March day
Best-of-day moment


  1. Nath

    Actually, Apple-Apple’s theory is a certainty. In a few billion years, the sun will turn into a red giant and engulf the earth. But that’s not for a while…

    Sorry. Done being a geek now.

  2. Carrie Snyder

    You must come over and explain this comforting theory to her. And perhaps to me too. A few billion years gives us plenty of time!

  3. Tricia Orchard

    Glad we won’t be around for that!

    My shirts all have mysterious little holes at the bottom middle. I cannot figure out how or why the holes are there. I still wear the shirts, though, and hope that no one films or photographs me. I bought shorts last year but they are all too loose now. I will likely just keep hiking them up. I hate shopping too!

    Which second hand store is it?!

  4. Carrie Snyder

    Taleze — which you’ve recommended before! Any tips? I probably need shorts too, but it’s hard to find ones I like. Maybe I will cut off an old pair of jeans instead.

  5. Margo

    oh I wish I was your neighbor! I ADORE helping my friends go through their closets and figuring out what to wear to look good.

    And (haha) I’ve never admitted that my favorite clothing acquisition method is bags of freebies. For some reason, this seems normal for children but not for women (because, I guess, we’re supposed to LOVE to shop. I like grocery shopping, but nothing else). I just love being creative within those bag boundaries. Actually, I’m wearing a shirt from my cousin and jeans from my aunt as I type this. heeee!

    As for the specialized clothes, I finally jammed all my dirty-paint-work clothes in a bag and stuffed it in the back of my closet so I could have the drawer again. I figured I could just grab some wrinkled things when I needed them.

    Did you find some stuff when you went shopping? Do a show and tell, please!

  6. Heather

    I love handmedowns too–a long-distance friend sends me her rejects pretty regularly and I inevitably love them. And there’s something cozy and fun about wearing a friend’s old clothes. It makes them feel close.

    To Tricia above–that used to happen to my shirts, until I realized that the edge of my kitchen counter was catching on my shirts when I washed the dishes. It took months for me to figure it out. Could something like that be happening to your shirts?


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