How I spent my winter

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This past winter, I developed a 12-week course based on Lynda Barry’s Syllabus (it’s a book), an idea that came from a chance conversation with the woman who camped next to my friend and me at the Omega Institute in New York last summer; we were all there to take Lynda Barry’s workshop. Our tent was an enormous embarrassing behemoth that towered over her one-person marvel of efficiency. Of course, she’d just hiked the Appalachian Trail. And we’d just driven in from Canada in a Ford Fiesta. Let’s just say, we didn’t exactly bond. But one afternoon, we all found ourselves in the swimming hole together, paddling back and forth through the muddy weedy water, and she mentioned that she taught Syllabus as a course (and that she was an English professor). I wondered how, exactly, she taught Syllabus as a course. But we didn’t paddle long enough for me to ask.

At some point, over the fall, I decided to try to figure out how I would teach Lynda Barry’s Syllabus as a course. The result was a 12-week creativity course, which I ran over the winter with a handful of dedicated volunteers, who answered the call-out on my blog, and who stuck with it. And let me tell you, sticking with it was a lot of work. I designed the course to fit within the parameters of a 12-week university term, which would include approximately three hours of in-class time per week, plus homework. All work was done by hand, writing and drawing, in notebooks. My volunteer students did not live nearby, so we couldn’t recreate the energy that would be found within a classroom; nevertheless, they did the work. They sent me samples of their work every week, and at the end of the course created a final project: a short book that combined drawings and text. I can’t express how much joy this brought me.

Of course, I did all the work, too. (To tell the truth, I wanted to invent the course so I could take it!)

Reflecting on its effect, I’ve stumbled upon several unexpected discoveries and insights.

So, here are two BIG THINGS I discovered through my creativity course.

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One. External motivation bolsters internal motivation. Inventing for myself a tougher-than-strictly-necessary challenge allowed me to achieve what I set out to accomplish. I must stress that I did this instinctively, not deliberately. In other words, I made the task harder than it needed to be, by increasing the stakes: I involved other people. This had the effect of keeping me on track. Even during weeks that were stress-filled and busy, I continued to create course curriculum and to do the work, because my students were out there, doing it along with me.

What I learned is that a certain level of stress and challenge makes a task more meaningful, and therefore more achievable. We probably all have different thresholds for what would constitute a useful amount of stress, but my takeaway is that I must turn toward challenge and difficulty, rather than away from it.

I also re-discovered the value of creating an external reason for doing something, a goal, an excuse, even if the reason is an invention of your own making. It’s why runners sign up for races—the goal keeps them honest (and keeps their loved ones from questioning why the heck they’re spending a beautiful Saturday morning running 28 kilometres). We need tangible goals, and it helps for these goals to be connected to timelines and deadlines. A goal gives us permission we wouldn’t give to ourselves: Without the invented excuse of the course, for example, I wouldn’t have had the guts to sit in a public place sketching strangers. But the goal is also there to be completed, an accomplishment at the end of all that effort: without the course, I also wouldn’t have made the rough draft of a short graphic novel.

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Two. Broadly speaking, creation has two different stages. Both are valuable and necessary. And both require different kinds of time.

The first stage is gathering. The second stage is synthesis.

At the gathering stage, you may feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. You’re making things, but you don’t know how they’ll fit together; they may not seem to fit together at all, in fact. If you can let yourself relax and enjoy this stage, it’s the most fun you’ll ever have. You have to give yourself permission to make what you’re making without judging its ultimate point or purpose. You’re making it because it’s an adventure. You have no idea what’s going to bubble to the surface and emerge, and you’re constantly surprising yourself. This work takes up a the bulk of the creativity course.

The wonderful discovery is that this work can be done in bits and pieces, spread out over the hours of your week. All winter, I got up early and wrote from 6:30-7:30AM, for example, never getting to finish what I’d started, and simply picking up where I’d left off when I returned the next day. It’s comforting to know that a great deal of work can be done in this way—that it can fit into lives that are otherwise occupied.

Synthesis is a totally different stage. Synthesis is when you weave your material together to make something bigger than the sum of its parts. Synthesis requires an intensive span of uninterrupted time. It is much more difficult (I would say impossible) to do in fits and starts. You also need the capacity to be ruthless and focused. During this stage, you analyze your gathered material for a theme, or repeated images, and you build a coherent narrative around your theme and images. You enter the synthesis stage with an open mind. Your focus is structural. During this stage, you become inventive in terms of fitting disparate pieces together. You also throw out a lot of excellent material because it just doesn’t fit the larger purpose. This is less painful than you imagine it will be in advance because the larger purpose takes precedence. And also because you know the rest of your gathered material may be used for purposes and projects you haven’t yet imagined.

At the synthesis stage, you’re making something bigger, something that will ultimately feel complete (and also, inevitably, imperfect).

In practical terms, you need concentrated time at this stage: a writing week, I would call it. But the good news is, your material can wait for you to make this time.

The other good news is that once you’ve got your structure firmly imagined, you can return to creating the missing pieces using the same strategies you used during the gathering stage.

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Here’s my takeaway, and it’s big. When we’re approaching a project, large or small, too often we expect ourselves to start with synthesis: with the big idea, the overview, the unifying theme, the purpose. We start here, even though we have only the vaguest notion of what we might find in our explorations. It actually makes no sense: our ideas haven’t yet been gathered—how could we synthesize them? The pressure can feel crushing. And nothing destroys creativity faster than pressure (and expectation).

What if we gave ourselves permission to start with the gathering? What if we let our ideas accumulate slowly over a long period of time? What if we let the story—the bigger project—find us, lead us, guide us, rather than trying to control and determine it by force? What if we found joy in the process of creation? What if the process was truly joyful, surprising, adventurous, kind of amazingly awesome, in fact?

So that’s a summary of how I spent my winter. It would not be an exaggeration to claim that the discoveries I’ve made through my creativity course have been huge, even life-changing. My gratitude goes out to that fellow camper in her hyper-efficient tent, for sparking the original idea. But most of all, my gratitude goes out to those adventurous volunteers who did the work along with me, and kept me honest. I can’t thank you enough.

xo, Carrie

Red cardinal in bare tree
What I'm holding on to today

3 Comments

  1. I am writing this while watching the third period of Sunday’s Leafs game. To be honest, I haven’t even read the blog entirely and with full concentration. I already know that I am going to read it again and again and again.
    The first part speaks to me and my retirement from teaching for 33 years. This will happen all too quickly at the end of June. (Washington just scored to tie it up…) There is much that is unknown and uncertain, but I already know I will need something to replace the external motivation that teaching has offered/demanded. So, even if it is a bit artificial at first, I will seek ways to ignite the internal motivation.
    The second part matches my work over the past few months to plan a brand new unit for my grade 8s using novels, for the most part, where the characters are at Indian Residential Schools. Your words – from the weighing pressure of looking for the big ideas first, to allowing the gathering to happen and lead TO the big idea – perfectly match what has been happening. And it has been exhilarating! Because we were piloting the book kit, my students have been like your ‘volunteer’ adventurers and they have willingly journeyed with me. It has been freeing to be able to tell them that if certain things don’t work for us, that is okay. I’ll just be able to tell the other teachers who will use the books next year, what works and what doesn’t.
    Anyway, I was tempted to participate in your 12 week course when you sent an e-mail about it, but I truly can’t draw, and I knew I needed to focus my energies on ending this wonderful career with purpose and revel in each remaining day. As to what lies ahead… we shall see.

    (You really don’t need to publish this, do you?)

    Reply
    • Hi Barbara! I loved your comment, so of course I had to publish it. I’m sorry the Leafs lost … I love what you’ve been working on with your grade eights. And, yes, it is freeing to be testing material and ideas, and not to feel locked in. I change my course plan every time I teach based on what I’ve learned from the previous group, but I suppose this may not be as feasible when you’re working with set curriculum. Wishing you a wonderful last few months of your teaching career. I wonder what will come next?

      Reply
  2. This was just what I needed to read right now, Carrie: permission to start with the gathering. Thank you!

    Reply

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