Lists; struggles; forgiveness; free time

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I cleaned my office!

List of things to do today, on this Sunday, a month after Christmas…

wash bedding; bake bread; make chicken stock; vacuum; exercises; write

Write comes last, but it’s where I’ve begun (well, a second load of bedding is whirling in the washer as I type, but laundry is like that, must be attacked in a steady march throughout the day).

What we’re struggling with, on the parenting front…

motivating a child who does what’s asked, but no more: and I wonder, are some born without a strong internal self-motivational engine and how best to foster/plant the seeds of creativity and initiative? Are we the dreaded helicopter parents if we schedule this child’s life on his/her behalf, or are we neglectful if we allow her/him to drift, seemingly content not to discover or pursue any interests arising from within?

Do we all have interests arising from within? What is interest? Is it creativity, curiosity, the desire for knowledge and challenge? Is it also, perhaps, the desire for more, a positive form of anxiety, a positive channeling of our dissatisfaction with what we already have?

What we want for our children is universal: we want them to be content, but also to be productive, kind, thoughtful, engaged individuals. It’s that last bit we want most of all: to be engaged. Engagement means (to me) that sweet spot where the interests within an individual connect to the world without.

What is working, on the parenting front…

this four-part system of apology. It goes roughly like this. 1. I’m sorry for [insert specific wrong-doing]. 2. It was wrong because [insert specific harm caused to the other person]. 3. Next time I will [insert possible amendment(s) to future behaviour]. 4. Will you forgive me? [to which the wronged person replies “I forgive you.”]

It feels a bit odd and formal when introduced for the first time, but I must say there’s a real appeal to it in practice, and makes saying sorry both more meaningful and more satisfactory to all parties involved.

Good ways to spend some “free” time on the weekend …

playing Bach on the piano; walking to the library with a cranky child; helping coach small boys on the soccer field; lingering, being silly with family over a supper of hamburgers and caesar salad; legendary power nap on the couch by the fire; beer and conversation with Kevin

xo, Carrie

PS I actually wrote this list on our chalkboard wall this morning. So it really will happen. If it’s on the wall, it must happen.

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Off-kilter
Check mirror before exiting house

2 Comments

  1. Quick comment — if said child in the parenting dilemma is in middle school, my experience is that it comes with the territory. The third time around I am learning to panic less about this, because somehow the initiative comes or comes back in high school. Or at least it has for both of my kids so far.

    Reply
    • Thanks for the reassurance, Susan.

      Reply

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