All the doors thrown open

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woman watches spring

Writing a book can be a funny thing. Occasionally it feels like control has been unintentionally ceded to some other power: the original vision just doesn’t fit on the page. The character refuses to do what the writer has planned. This doesn’t happen all that often, but it can.

Writing a life, well, do we get to that? Do we get to write our own plotlines, choose who we will become? To some degree I strongly believe that the answer is yes. Right up until it seems to be out of our hands.
I’ve had a strange week. It’s been wild, it’s been wonderful.
What can I say? Well, not everything. Okay, frankly, not much. Hardly anything at all, in fact. And I apologize for being mysterious, and will let you know that the news that I cannot tell is good, and that it is writing-related.
You know that saying, It never rains but it pours?
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soccer coach, in reflection
Throw into the mix: Kevin away in Winnipeg, a mysterious allergic reaction that sent me to the doctor, solo parenting on the weekend, having to coach our youngest’s soccer team, and several more soccer games including my own on Sunday evening, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s been … overwhelming. 
Imagine me walking uptown on Saturday with my brood of children, running errands in the brilliant sunshine. I say, “Kids, I feel ten feet tall.” “But you’re short, Mom. We’re short people.” “I know. But I feel like I’m much taller than I actually am. I feel like I’m floating.”
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I have spent more than twenty years aiming myself toward this moment. More than twenty years working to accumulate the knowledge and skill to write books that people will want to read. More than twenty years of tenacity and, let’s admit it, almost obsessive effort, even against self-doubt and the rejection that comes to every creative person who opens herself to the world. And here I am, more than twenty years on, dropped into the perfect moment in which the universe says: What you wanted? Here it is.
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The Juicy Jelly Worm
The suddenness of Spring

11 Comments

  1. Whoa! And wow! And congratulations! And, just wow! Way to go!

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    • Yeah, I know. Too much stuff, all at once.

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  2. I feel so much for where you are standing and the decision that you must make. Years ago I had to decide if I wanted to pursue my art as a degree/future career or science/engineering. As a 19 year old I told myself that I wanted my art for myself, that I could fit it in my personal time and that I didn’t want to be financially dependent on someone else. Twenty some years later, I wish I had the wisdom you have now. I do rarely have time to maintain my artistic interests between all of the other demands that family, friends, career and household have for me right now. However, even more importantly, my creative energy is consumed by those other demands. I do however hope, since the past 11.5 years with children have flown past me, that there is a not too distant time waiting for me when I will be able to pursue more interests again. I wish you peace with the decisions that you will make.

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    • Thank you, Leah, for your compassionate response.

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  3. wow, such exciting news, carrie!! all the best as you decide which path(s) to follow.

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  4. This indeed sounds like a window of possibilities has opened and you will be rushing in! Congrats and looking forward to hearing what you can tell.

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    • I will share as soon as I can, Ellen! Looking forward to that!

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  5. That last paragraph brought me to tears. I read it out loud to my husband. I relate, deeply, to the 20 years thing. I can’t wait to hear the details of your perfect moment.

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    • Thanks, Heidi. It’s been a very emotional week so tears are truly appropriate!

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  6. I’m so excited for you and my brain is full of fireworks imaging what things have made this perfect moment for you. Can’t wait to hear the news!

    Reply

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