Thoughts on a holiday Friday

spring15
Stasis and momentum.

Slept in this morning. Did not enjoy it. Wondered: should I be setting my alarm and rising at 5am every morning?

Have meant to go for a run all day. I am finally dressed in running gear. Still feeling resistant. Why? Because I know it will be hard. “Get your head right”: something the spin instructor says, for which I am occasionally resentful. I don’t want to. Why don’t I want to, when I know it will make me feel better?

Because it’s hard. Because I’ve been hanging around all day, taking the day off, a little holiday, relaxing. Put all of those into quotation marks. “Hanging around.” I’m lousy at hanging around! “Relaxing.” I’ve cleaned both bathrooms and vacuumed! How to relax? Maybe I’ve forgotten? Maybe relaxing feels like stasis to me. Or I’ve mixed the two up in my head.

And I crave momentum.

In my head, I’m lying on a picnic blanket in the sunshine surrounded by my children. In reality I’d be digging up the weeds. (Plus, it’s too chilly out there, despite the sunshine, for picnics.) Okay, in reality, I’m heading out for a run in the cool sunshine. I don’t know if it counts as relaxing, but I’m doing it. Right now.

:::

P.S. I’m back from that run. I feel amazing! (As predicted). It was hard! (Also as predicted). But I ran 7.5km in 34 minutes flat. Here’s what I heard a kid in the park ask his dad as I ran past: “How fast is she going?!”

I had a happy fantasy around the sixth kilometre. I thought that I would like to take a year, some while in the future, and train five or six hours a day — and run an ultramarathon. It wouldn’t serve any particular purpose. I’d do it just because I want to. (Is that a good reason to do something?)

Today's experiment
Happy Easter

5 Comments

  1. *like* on your ultramarathon musing – the only justification we need to complete an event is because we can and it is out there!
    i relaxed by cleaning today, too! 🙂

    Reply
  2. That is an excellent reason to do something.

    Reply
  3. I was just writing a little something on my inability to ‘relax’ and how I don’t find ‘relaxing’ all that relaxing. I laughed so hard at the part where you imagine yourself on a picnic blanket but in your reality you are picking weeds – hilarious! Thanks for your blog posts, I look forward to them everyday.

    Reply
  4. Thanks for letting me know, Tiffany. I look forward to writing my posts every day too!

    Reply
  5. And thanks for the encouragement on the crazy fantasy, Cathy and Nath.

    Reply

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